Painting the Jumpers Red
by garg-girl
Summary: Someone's playing a joke on Sheppard and uses his Jumpers to do it. Rated: PG 13 for mature themes.


**Painting the Jumpers Red**

_**by garggirl**_

Disclaimer:   
All the characters appearing in this fic are copyright Cooper/Wright Company and Acme Productions.  
No infringement of these copyrights is intended, and is not authorized by the copyright holder.  
All original characters are the property of garggirl. 

"WHAT, THE HELL, HAPPENED TO MY BABIES?"

John Sheppard stood in the middle of the Jumper Bay more livid than he had ever been. When he had first arrived, John had nearly been reduced to tears, now all he wanted was to find the person responsible for the sacriledge that lay before him.

A line of nighttime technicians stood in front of him like he was a firing squad and they were prisioners of war waiting to be executed.

It took every ounce of control in his body for John to bring himself to a calm tone. "I want to know who did this," The techs were silent as they exchanged nervous glances, "and I want to know right now!"

John thrust a gesture towards the half dozen Jumpers resting on the floor. The ships sat in profile. Across the side of each Jumper there was large block lettering in bright red paint. From left to right, the ships read: Millineum Falcon; Andromeda Ascendant, S.S. Minnow, Eureka Maru, Serenity, and Enterprise.

Sheppard turned back to the technicians.

"Well?"

"Uh," one of the techs shifted nervously. "Well,"

Sheppard rounded on Tech Sgt Walters. "I'm waiting."

Walters shifted on her feet again. "I don't know for certain, but I did see someone skulking around the Bay around 2am."

Sheppard tapped his foot impatiently. "Well, out with it. Who was it?"

"I can't tell you, sir."

"And why not?" Sheppard crossed his arms in anger.

"He said he'd have me shipped back to Earth if I said anything...in a matchbox."

The anger in Sheppard's eyes reduced slightly. "Tell me who it was and I'll do everything in my power to prevent that."

Walters looked down at the floor for a moment before raising her gaze back up to Sheppard's. "Well, it was like this..."

------

_Flashback to 2am the previous night..._

"I do not understand," Teyla whispered. "Why are we doing this, Doctor?"

Rodney McKay took a pace back from the jumper to admire his handywork. "Because, my dear Athosian friend, this is what people on Earth call hazing." Teyla arched a eyebrow in confusion, prompting a further explanation from her Earth teammate. "Hazing is playing a trick on someone in order to form a strong bond between two or more people."

Ford sunk down on his haunches to re-fill his paint brush. "I just don't see why we just couldn't have a beer, pizza and movie night instead."

Rodney looked incredulously at the young lieutenent. "And where exactly do you suggest we get the beer and pizza, huh? The nearest Little Caesar's and corner Beer Store are 300 million light-years away!"

Aidan srunched up his face. "I was just saying," he muttered under his breath.

Teyla cocked her head. "Are tricks not supposed to make people laugh and feel good?"

Rodney half-nodded, half-shrugged. "Generally yes."

"And you are sure Major Sheppard will find this trick funny?"

Rodney smirked. "Maybe...I know I sure do."

------

_Return from flashback..._

John stalked along the corridors of Atlantis, making a beeline for Rodney's lab. Rodney had done a lot of childish, idiotic things in his time, but defacing John's Jumpers was virtually the straw that broke the proverbial camal's back.

John walked in and quickly spotted Rodney in the back berating yet another technician. John stormed up behind the physicist and and gave him a quick, sharp smack up side the head.

Rodney turned, mouth open to bitch his assaulter out when he caught sight of John. Rodney's expression changed quickly to mirth. "Ah, Sheppard...lovely weather we're having this morning, isn't it?"

"Screw the weather!" John fumed. "You know very well why I'm here! I saw what was did to my Jumpers and I have it on good authority that you did it!"

Rodney put on a look of mock innocence. "Why, whatever do you mean?"

"Cut the crap, McKay!" John spat. "I know it was you!"

Behind them several people gathered in the doorway to watch the heated exchange. One of those people was Teyla. Slowly, the Athosian woman sidled up to the arguing men.

"Is everything alright, Major?"

"No! No, Teyla, everything is not alright!" John replied, his gaze never leaving Rodney's amused face. "Giggles the Clown, here painted graffiti all over my Jumpers."

Teyla turned a scrutinizing eye on McKay. "I thought you said Major Sheppard would find it funny."

John blinked and slowly turned to Teyla. "You knew?" he asked, his voice barely audible. "You were in on it?"

"Dr. McKay said you would think it was funny. He called it hazing. Said it would bring about a team bond," Teyla replied.

"Hazing? Bond?" Sheppard echoed. He looked back at Rodney. "Hell, McKay, if you wanted to bond we could've just thrown a couple punches and broke open a bottle of Dr. Z's stoli that he thinks no one knows about."

Rodney threw his hands up. "Hell, I just thought it would be good for morale. Lord know we could use a little of that around here."

John straightened up and a smile began to tug at the corner of his mouth. "You know what else is good for morale? Scrubbing paint off my Jumpers, which is what you'll gonna be doing until every speckle of paint has disappeared."

Rodney's jaw dropped open in shock. "Excuse me?"

"You heard me," John replied. "And don't even try to get out of it cuz I'll dog you until the end of time until you do."

Rodney thrust an accusing finger at Teyla. "What about Teyla...Ford, too. They were in on it, too!"

"Teyla and Ford were innocent bystandards." John pivoted on his heels and began to make his way out of the room. "You were the ring leader," he called behind him.

Rodney just stood there, speechless, mouth agape.

------

And for the next three weeks, Rodney scrubbed every inch of the graffiti'ed Jumpers until they were as clean as a whistle...and John stood over him every second to make sure Rodney did it right and proper.

THE END


End file.
